Saturday, January 26, 2013

Crazy New Years Resolutions

Ah, that first glimpse into the blank slate of a New Year!

It's so fresh, and so clean, clean! (Sorry I sometimes break out into spontaneous song, don't judge it happens). I for one have been well the one who often has spectacular plans for new diets, work out routines, cleaning plans, you name it!

But you see I have AADD when it comes to resolutions. I am easily sidetracked, and often don't even realize I am off track till I am half way into a tub of Chubby Hubby by Ben and Jerry's. I also well have issues with telling myself "NO". Ya both super quality's to have when trying to change one's life!

So as you can imagine the results well are not as planned. Example's? Ah yes I have some just for you!

Remember the whole we are going to get fit if it kills us trend? Well it starts up around the last week of December brought on by the guilt of the extreme gorging which we partake in during the Holidays. This is often when I will get a "Fabulous Idea", I will have decided to start or join a class to work out. And folks lets just say me working out with a group often ends well bad. I for one am not really all to much of a coordinated individual, and following a group at a fast pace while trying to appear as if I am "OK" is not a great situation.

I have entered into Spinning Class to "Try It". This resulted in me spinning the pedals all sorts of awesome during warm up, but once we got the class going I ended up completely scraping my shin with the pedal that went astray when I lost my balance while trying to wipe the sweat off my face. This resulted in me bleeding, cussing, and oh did I mention making the rest of the class look on as if I had just lost a limb? Folks this was after just being in the class for 8 1/2 min.! And yes I count that last 1/2 of a minute because I am positive that was the time I spent trying untangle myself off of the bike!

Now why did I for a second think that I would be super amazing at a Spinning Class when true story I almost died on a 10 speed? I will tell you why, it was that whole Ooooh Ahhhh It's a New Year high that I was on! See this is my issue! I get stoked over a crazy idea, picture myself doing it with grace, and am positive I can do it.

There was also that one time I thought I could do a "Cleanse" it seemed easy enough, water the first day with only fruit, Second day water and vegi's , and the Third day was a water/tea concoction. Now due to the fact that misery likes company I recruited my little sister to join this sweet idea! We were going to do this, and work out, and fly, and find a unicorn! Oh ya we were going to do oh so many things while becoming Super Healthy!

Mistake number 1: My little sister is Hypoglycemic, as am I! Oh ya so copious amounts of sugar albeit natural sugar can and will cause the following side affects: headaches, dizziness, passing out, oh and shakiness! Not a problem because remember we are soooooo going to do this and oh so much more!

So as you can imagine Day 1 was GREAT!!!

It started with a gleeful trip to the grocery store! Oh berries, apples, oranges, and water lots of water! Ya we ate that fruit and talked about how amazing we were going to look do to this great cleanse!

Our day was well spent working and then reality started to set in when we were both feeling sick and had headaches. We didn't work out, cause we both had hella headaches! We didn't do anything but complain to each other and fall asleep at 9 because we were exhausted! But heck ya we were getting "Healthy".

Mistake number 2: I have to cook for a family of 6. Ya minor oversight. You see I for some idiotic reason thought that I would blissfully cook meals for my family with no issues, while drinking my water and eating my cucumber chips with out a care in the world! I mean because everyone knows you would never want a steak over a cucumber chip!

Day 2 REALITY: I was dying! I woke up with a migraine which was explained away by the psychopath who created this damn Cleanse as a purging of my "Toxins".  Cooking? Oh ya that was super stellar! I was able to make my little family breakfast with some skill due to the fact that the room was moving and for some reason I could not stop spilling the juice, cereal, milk, ya I spilled everything! It was like a horrible inner ear infection mixed with a bit of sea sickness for fun!

I went to work which for the record the fact that I operated a vehicle is a miracle! Of course I discovered that my little sister was in a full on diet cleanse coma because she too was not able to stop the dizzy euphoria that we were in due to lack of any damn food that had protein or friggen calories!

But it was ALL good cause we got to eat vegi's! Ok first of all have you ever plotted the death of a vegetable? Oh really? Ya well I have! As did my little sis! The sight of the carrots almost brought us to tears, the peppers looked like they were seriously plotting against us, and don't get me started on the black olives!

Oh but wait what really rocked was the fact that the detox cleanse Nazi had us thinking that Coconut Water was the bee's knee's! FYI its not!!! What it is was terrible! But we were so starved for anything with taste, that we talked ourselves into believing it was so so good. This of course only lasted 15 min. because the effort we exerted to convince ourselves was exhausting, and we just ended up drinking water.

Now you see we are determined! By golly we were going to do this! Bodily side affects or not we were doing this! So my little sister went home, and slept. I worked in a coma type haze and was exhausted by even the effort to walk! By the time 6 o'clock rolled around I was so ready to die! But alas that was not going to happen cause I got to go home and Cook Dinner!!!!

I cannot honestly tell you what I cooked that night. I do know that I went to bed right after I put my babies to bed. My head was pounding, my body hurt, and did I mention I had no energy? Well I had no energy!

Day 3: This day sucked! There was nothing good about it! Both of us were dying, the room was spinning, and my little sister had to work. I caved and got us just coffee with honey and cinnamon. Here was the problem, the caffeine was beyond too much for our system! We were so so sick! At 4 o'clock I went got us chips and diet cokes! That night we ate real food!

Moral of the story: Cleansing is a tactic that should be used against mortal enemies!

So with the track record that I have with relapse's of New Year's Resolutions, I opted this year to simply do one thing. LIVE.

My "C" Word scare was not resolved until January 8th. I wanted nothing for the New Year but to LIVE. It was truly on January 8th I decided that after hearing I was OK I would LIVE. I am leaping into this New Year Chasing my Dreams like a Crazy Person, Loving my Family, and being Grateful for EVERYTHING and EVERYONE in MY LIFE!

This is the year I will make huge life changes, but all in the name of LIVING! I can not promise that I will not start a crazy diet, or join a crazy athletic class, or that I won't think that there is some crazy health trend that I should start, but I will LIVE!