Thursday, April 14, 2011

Ebay and Craigslist are lookin like an option for disipline

So girls you know those moments as a mother you look at your offspring and wonder where in the ficus did they come from? Now don't go getting all high and mighty on me ladies, we have all been there when our children have driven us insane! I am just honest enough to talk about it.(that's why you love me)

This weekend was truly no exception. It was one of those evenings that when I thought all was good in the land of la,  they became lil chucky doll remakes and I swear I heard the music from the exorcist in the background! You see why would we want to stay in bed? Or heck who needs rules? I mean honestly why wouldn't you want to climb on your headboard and chill on the ledge by your window at 9 at night? I mean HELLO that is what all the cool kids are doing! And heck throw in the fact that my 9 year old was serenading her younger sister's voyage up mount saint window sill and you have a full blown Broadway show!

You see this is were I know my children are truly one of a kind! I mean come on folks they have theme music to their exploits and actions of defiance! How many of you can say that not only are the actions of your children narrated, but narrated  by song? Ya I know I am soooo lucky! And truth be told I often feel as if either I have been blessed with such highly animated children due to the fact that God wanted to highlight the fact that I haven't seen nothing yet, and well rubbing it in my face that the teen years are going to require a door dispenser of vicodon and kool-aide spiked with a little mind nummer like grey goose. (just drink the kool-aide the sign will read, and take this and you will grow taller. ring a bell anyone?)

So it may come as a shock to you all that I would not even gawk at the scene and the true shock and amazement on my fiance's face when he came up to report this behavior to me. (I mean it was just the night before that the oldest was using her blanket from the top bunk as a whip, and the youngest was acting like a horse!true story!) After hearing the shocking tale of the crazy chanting and singing of the two lil imps and the true spectacle that was to be awaiting me upon my decent into the basement, I did what all good mothers do took a sip of my drink and prepared to take on the role of Simon Cowell in American Idol. I mean really it takes a lot to rattle the cage for me, I have a small daycare people! This is old news to me, nothing and I do mean nothing really tends to shock or amaze me.

And I was just not really all that impressed by their lack of creativity and , HA crazy Paula wasn't there to under mind me! After walking in on what I believe to be the second part of the show(I am always fashionably late ) The youngest had moved to the closet, and was belting her little heart out to a rendition of I believe the song is called "I don't want to go to sleep so I will sing all about it", and the oldest was trying to play a Grammy nominee performance of "I am innocent, and was sleeping, no really mommy (insert batting eyes, and a face of an angel). Now I am not a typical mom (maybe that is the reason for the non-typical kids) any how after explaining to my cherubs that there are sweat camps were they are dying to have little girls who love to stay up and work all night and that it was 3 simple key strokes on the computer to post their sweet sweat shop skills they quickly understood that mommy was going to  eBay them before they could even get into their final act of the the show and decided to go to bed. (very smart on their part)

Some may frown on the fact that I use sarcasm and humor with my children but here is the deal-i-oso, I am out numbered 4-1 and if you haven't noticed these are not your average children that I am contending with. I mean that is why I have the emergency protocol for when the house is quite, 1-3 children is MIA, and believe you me there is cold vodka in the freezer to settle mommy's nerves once the situation has been evaded, discovered, or survived. (truth be told it is often moments such as these that I find myself cracking up inside)

For example my youngest bless his heart is going thru the my older sister's are soooo easy to blame for all mischief that I get into and even for world issues such as world hunger, and war. Now I kid you not this lil guy will look you square in the eyes and say that it was in fact his sister's fault that the bathroom counter, mirror, toilet, and floor are painted with water colors. (Even if she is at school) Of course this is normal for the younger children to do , but what I love is how he will take credit for making me strawberries, bread, and even my toothpaste if it tickles his fancy just to ensure that he has mommy around his little finger.

To say that my children are challenging is like saying Oprah is popular. They are a funny little brood of rug rat's that I love and adore, and by god am going to go grey prematurely for during their teen years (give me a break people I will have a senior, junior, and freshman all at the same time!) . And don't you think for a minute that I am not working on the Armageddon Game Plan for that situation! It is comical to me due to the fact that my girl that will be the senior is going to also be the one that will smile while I sit in the Superintendent's Office and try to explain how I had no idea she had printed fliers for the Senior Keg she is promoting, when she passes them out like crack in the ghetto during school hours of course. I mean heck if Dr. Phil is real or up for a real challenge I double dog dare him to come to my house. P.S. Super Nanny would check herself into a psyche ward after her first encounter of the mighty Minni's !

So go forth, laugh at my life, and say a prayer when you see a young girl with four children walking down the street with all of them in matching harnesses, and leashes, all color coordinated of course!