Monday, May 9, 2011

Adventure's in WalHell

Oh ladies, ladies, ladies, how do I explain the fact that I ADORE Shopping but would rather amputate my own arm rather than go to WalHell Shopping? I like the things that they offer don't get me wrong but to be perfectly honest what I am not a fan of is the fact that they have 3 stages of People Encounters that well I for one could live without!

You are all aware of these: 1) Class Reunion Encounter 2) Ex Factor Encounter 3) Crazy Sideshow Act Encounter. These are the top three that I ALWAYS have when going to do my shopping, and I will be honest I refuse to enter into the shopping experience unless my hair, outfit, and such is all in order! Sounds crazy, this may be true but once you go into the vortex of WalHell with just a pony tail, running shorts, and a wife beater on and I SWEAR you will run into ALL 3 Encounters and quite frankly I like y'all y'all too much to submit you to that kind of trauma.(I know , I know, I am a giver!)

So it was on one of these trips to the abyss that me and my guy and Lil man took to WalHell that well to be frank was the epitome of welcome to crazyville! I swear to you there have yet to be this many crazy people in view since the last carnival that came through town! It was beyond nuts! From a man flinging bread in the bread aisle towards his caregiver (bless this woman folks! she had patience of a saint) , to the fact that when my Lil guy saw this he was like "Light bulb" and I swear to you he turned around grabbed the wheat bread and threw it like a football! What cracked me up was that the man that was doing this as well actually looked at my little guy like he had lost his ever livin mind! I mean Hello! Seriously? It was after I informed my Lil guy while picking up the loaf of bread off the floor, and grabbing the box of cereal that he was wielding that if he chose to throw one more item he was going to be ebayed! My son looked me straight in the eyes and stated "Well he gets to do it!" Like really Lil man you are everly soooo much smarter than that! I mean hello when has the "But Mom everyone else is doing it" ever worked?

Now I know you are all rolling at this point and to tell the truth I had to stifle my own laugh when the boy grabbed the box of cereal,  I mean heck at least that shows ingenuity!  So you would think that after what can only be described as helter skelter in the bread aisle you would think that this would be the end of the torture but alas folks you forget were it is we are WalHell! If you can name the spectacle I can probably give you the number of the aisle or at the very least a run down on the clothes they had on!

From bread throwing, to yogurt tantrums, flying bags of chips check, tantrum over not getting cheese which results in throwing shoes check, right down the the crazy photo shoot for mama at the photo place while the children are screaming and very unhappy at mama getting her Top Model on, right down to the checker that I swear in the time it took to check me out informed me of medical issues, a locker thief, her favorite medications, and her days off! Folks I was at my breaking point! It was the closest I have come in a long time to using the mean mommy voice on complete strangers, and opting for a drinking lunch ! I mean come on people I kid you not it was like a episode of the Twilight Zone mixed with a sprinkling of Tales From the Crypt! I swear if the creepy puppet from Tales From the Crypt appeared I would have shook his hand and asked if he saw the sale on berries!

So to those that enjoy shopping first let me ask what do you take before you go? And can I have some? Because at this point I get full body shivers at the idea of having to re offend this ordeal and truly am thinking that there is a definite need for grocery home delivery in my Lil mountain town!